Saturday, September 5, 2015

Life As I Know It

For some time now
I’ve known of the childhood
Behaviors I developed to
Tolerate living in the
Environment I grew up in

My life has been far from
Tragic but even the “perfect”
Childhood breeds dysfunction

For the past four years
I’ve been constantly going to
Therapy, attending an awesome
Support group, and practicing
Meditation and introspection

However, I recently found
Myself acting out that
Same dysfunction I’ve
Been wanting to heal
For all this years

I was pissed to say the least
Feeling like I've been
Wasting my time and money
And accomplishing absolutely
Nothing

I can admit that other
Dysfunctions have been resolved
But the main one is still
Holding on strong

SO
I had to sit down and ask
Why the fk can’t I let this thing go?
Ahhhhhh!!

The truth is
It’s equals life to me;
Life as I’ve known it for the
Past twenty-five-plus years

I’ve built my lifestyle
Around this dysfunction, which
Works AMAZINGLY well for
Being autonomous, self-reliant,
Independent, courageous, outgoing,
Truthful, focused, inquisitive, determined
And an all around bad-bitch
(In the hip-hop meaning of the word haha)

BUT
The dysfunction epically fails
At creating intimate nurturing
Relationships
And this didn’t matter up until
I wanted
Nurturing and intimate
Relationships

Once I realized that I did,
I began doing work,
And now that I’m aware of
The pros and the cons
I’m not sure where I stand

I’m not interested in obliterating
The dysfunction because it works
In the practical material world
But I also need to learn how
To set aside when it comes down
To the emotional relational world

I’m just thankful I’m
Thirty-one years old
And already know where
My limitations are, rather than
Living life without a clue

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